My short story about Depression
This is my true story about my battle with depression. I hope it might help someone.
At about 20 years of age I kinda was hitting rock bottom or at least getting close. I just felt sad and really hopeless about life. I remember one day getting home from work and just laying down on the floor and just crying. It was just outright painful to be alive some of the time and the rest of the time I just felt numb and the only peace came from distraction in my life. Thinking back on the situation I can see that I was put into several social situations at the time I don’t think I was ready to handle, and I think this might have added a little pressure to the situation.
My parents eventually became aware of what was going on and sent me to the family physician to be treated for depression. The family physician and he asked me a series of about 10 questions and with that he diagnosed me with mild depression. Which I think was kinda a crock because the questions were really general and I bet the majority of the human population would qualify as depressed if they were asked the same questions. Anyways he prescribed medication (Zoloft I believe)and made some recommendations that I cant remember. The medication initially seemed to help but after a while it didn’t seem to do anything. Thinking back I personally think that that brief period of happiness had more to the shimmer of hope that the medication game me and maybe possible a placebo effect than anything the medication actually did to me.
My parents also about this time thought it would be helpful if I went to see a counselor. They set an appointment and I went to see my first shrink. It really kind of turned out to be a dive bomb of an experience. First I really didn’t like the idea of going to see him, It made me feel crazy and hopelessly out of control of my life. And second I really don’t feel like that councilor did a very good job to begin with and even if had did I don’t think at that time I was really ready or willing to be helped by a trained therapist.
At about this time despite my parents concerns about me and me still feeling quite depressed I moved away to a different state to live with some friends. I think that this move helped me more than that first counselor and the medication ever did. I had more control over my life and that social situations I was placed in. After a bit of growing up and years of feeling depressed I finally decided I was ready to start feeling happy again. I started to take steps to learn how to make myself happy, one of which was reading self help books. I eventually sought out a counselor myself and started seeing him on a regular basis. This counselor did a marvelous job of helping me identify thinking errors and eliminate some of the stresses in my life. I think one of the reasons this second counselor was so effective was because I was ready to be helped.
To this day I don’t think I feel the same way a “normal” person does. I don’t think I will ever be cured or fixed. This is the way I am and I am learning how to deal with it. I feel happy lots, sad sometimes, and outright depressed occasionally. I feel like I have some amount of control over my life and have hope of a happy future. My second counselor explained that people are genetically pre-dispositioned to feel a certain range of happiness, some peoples have a spectrum a little higher and other have a little lower. I now see it as this is my lot in life to make the best of life with what I have been given.
If you find yourself in a similar struggle with depression, this is my advice. Hold on, it gets better. Give it time and when you are ready seek help. If you get a counselor and they aren’t helping find another. Surround yourself with friends as best you can. Try and find some purpose in your life and that control of as much of your life as you can. Hope this helps.
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